(or at least that's shown on Hulu anyhow...I haven't seen the season finale)

 

Favorite exchange in dialog. 

"but I'm the most screwed up person in the world."

                                                                          -House

"I Know. I love you, I wish I didn't.... but I can't help it." 

                                                                           -Cuddy

"I just want us to be Friends..."

                                                                                                                -Cudi

                             "Fine. But that's the last thing I want us to be."

                                                                                                                                                      -House

I don't think the screenwriter's intended for there to be something so prolific beyond the simple exchange between House and Cudi. I don't think screenwriter's intended for it to go beyond or have it infused in someone else's life. Have it apply to each and every person's life as it is. If you are a avid follower of the series House, than you would know that the only reason why House had said that to be cruel, and arrogant was to push Cudi away. House is well aware that he'd leading a life that would bring so much misery and unhappiness to the few who cared about him that he didn't want Cudi (the woman he was madly in love with) to be dragged with it.

To me, friendship, is scarce. There are very few people who I can trust, which I can honestly say is ironic for me. NO one should trust me if they don't want their lies to be repeated or if they don't want anything they say to be repeated. Chances are I won't do it on purpose but the very person you didn't want to know something that you had entrusted me with will find out. Even if it weren't me, truth has a funny way of unraveling itself. I don't trust anyone and in order for me to see if I can trust someone, I have to admit, I will be manupilative in doing so. Many would say that's sick or contorted but I find it to be a process. Like weeding in your garden, you don't always get around to getting rid of the dandilions that are pretty...but really they just use up your soil and kill the plants around them. So eventually I will have to pull out those dandilions and eventually I will take great pride in looking at the annuals that I always had in my garden and come up every year. The same applies for friends. I don't intend to be friends with anyone for life. Though I would like to have some, just as anyone else would too, therefore I select good people whom I have a good intution for and test the waters of their friendship. God forbid I get emotionally attached. But that's the whole point, I don't get close with people for fear that they would ruin me or break my heart. SO naturally I protect myself from getting hurt. I pull them out like the stupid dandilions. Pulling out dandilions doesn't really take that long and once I do, no harm-no foul.

My best friend is like a hosta. It'll be there for life, but our relationship is low maintence just like the hosta. I don't have to do anything to it. Some ask why I'm friends with her but no one really understands why. She's low maintence. I don't have to please her, I don't have to hang out with her, and I most definately don't have to earn her trust. She can have my trust, I don't care who she tells, she's isolated from network of social friends. As long as they don't know, I could give a rats ass who she tells my deepest darkest secerts. MOre importantly though, I don't have to get emotionally invested in her. For example, after I let her live in my house, defied my mother, and she even came between my mother and I in order to do so, she left and never spoke to me for 2 months. Now that sort of dick behavior doesn't bother me. Know why? Because it's times like these, where she's angry with me, and it's the same as if she weren't.She's not talking to me. I'm not really that concerned if she ever trusts me or is angry with me. Not that she has the right to.

Do I prefer enemies? Yes. because enemies are predicatible. Do I like frenemies? no. they're annoying. They are more work than my enemies or friends. Would I ever want a true friend? No. Because true friends only break your heart. Like Brutus did to Ceaser. They stab you in the back if it means they achieve the whole empire.

I don't need true friends because I have my sisters. and I have my mother. I have my dog. I have Rachel, which is nothing but a hair shy from family, I have my brother and his friend Loren, or his like brother. I don't need ANYONE else.

I've been occuping myself so I can be productive in there very least. I want solitude all the time. I just want to be alone all the time. I'm not sure what it is exactly. I suppose it's a process of breaking up with someone. It's been 3 months and I think I'm do alright actually. Mom says to give it six months. I kind of want to date again especially with many prospects, but I most definately don't want to be in any sort of relationship just yet. I think that could wait at least six months.I pulled a mean prank on RJ, and I feel terrible (not so much for him then his mother who fell into my prank) The resentment and anger I feel towards RJ is somewhat terminal. His family on the otherhand...are very important to me still. Major difference or liberty in not being with RJ? I definately don't feel guilty hanging out with friends of the opposite sex. Since I started going out with RJ, I seem to lose touch or stopped talking with my platonic relationships. Now on the other hand, I became best friends with Billy, which is wonderful because me and him in every way are the same. I do love Billy despite the fact that he lies and he can be one sick puppy at times but nonethless I rarely hung out with him because RJ didn't care for him. I now talk to other guys-guilt free-they could be more or less friends..I don't know, time will tell =-) Point is I'm optimistic in the love department. More than once I heard from different people "You are so my type of girl" from other guys which is exciting and flattering all the while...

Today I gave my grandmother's dog a walk...the dog nearly had a heat stroke so it wasn't as long of a walk as I anticpated. I weeded her garden, I picked up dog poop (wooo my favorite thing), and I straightened up the porch. I feel more accomplished since it was all voleentary. I think since I dedicated much of my time to RJ I feel I need an outlet to show love and devotion. Why not give it to the people that are suppose to love me for life? We shopped at Micheal's for a wee bit...she got a picture frame for an embroided dipiction of flowers she had made years ago...while I purchase gesso and two canvas on sale. Hopefully I'll be able to paint her something for her livingroom. I love painting. I should I really do something pertaining to art with my life, but what? There's not too much of an expanded job market for us artists.

 

AH! MUST ALL GUYS BE AFTER ONE THING!

I'm so excited! So Christmas my dad toiled with the idea of getting another dog for the family. I have to say I'm terribly excited and I've been trying to keep my hopes to a minimal because the chances of it working out are very high but I can't help it!

so RJ's family had been trying to get rid of their puppy-dog for some time now, and it just so happens that I'm in love with her even past all of her flaws. I want her more than anything, and I understand they want 300.00 for her, but I don't like the idea of never seeing her again. I get so pumped when she's more happy to see me then RJ. I love playing with her and I like how she sleeps at my feet. She'll only calm down for me. I think she'd be perfect. It helps that my dad is a sucker for dogs with spots... and she has spots. Her name's Sammie... this was her back in July.

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